It hit home today.
Yesterday, I was only able to grasp the sensationalism of the whole event. I realized how much of an impact this would have
globally and that it happened so close to here.
Today, the rest of the implications smacked me in the face. I saw a friend's away message, saying 'RIP ______.' It thought this was sad, and moved along. Then, as I walked into Morton, I saw this girl, sitting on the steps, talking on the phone. As I approached, I saw that she was hunched over and bawling. I immediately realized that she probably just found out that a friend was hurt or, god forbid, killed yesterday. We talked about it alot in Gender and Society, and I began to realize how awful this whole thing is.
I, and the rest of the population, have become so
desensitized to death. Every day, we see the news list that so many people were killed, usually senselessly. Car accidents, fires, botched robberies, wars, gangs. Murders. There are so many deaths each day, and the only way we can deal with it all is to push it aside, itellectualize it, so as to separate the figures from our emotions. And thats what I did yesterday.
Wow. 33 people. That sucks.
And I moved on.
But today, it finally hit, what with seeing people mourning, and learning new information about the goings-on at Tech, that THIRTY-THREE PEOPLE WERE GUNNED DOWN IN COLD BLOOD. And now, families, friends and tons of people in between are now mourning the losses of students and teachers who were ruthlessly killed because some stupid fuckwit decided that the best way to solve his problems was with a gun. I can't even imagine what I would be feeling now had I known someone who was killed. I don't know how I would deal. I feel helpless as it is...
It is just beyond me that someone would feel that it is alright to take his anger out on others. That it would be ok for him to take other with him to the grave. These people had lives, friends, families, futures. Where was his fucking empathy? Because at the moment, my empathy is on overload.
He apparently was having an argument with his (ex?) girlfriend in her dorm. At one point, he introduced a gun. The RA, a female student, rushed out to settle it down, and both she and the girlfriend were shot and killed. She was just doing her job! She was trying to protect one of her hallmates, and she was killed. Then, the guy goes somewhere for 2 hours, ruminating, and decides to continue his spree. So he chains the doors to an academic building, and shoots people in 4 classrooms and a stairwell. In one classroom, only 4 of 25 students were able to walk out.
And in the end, I wish he hadn't killed himself. I wish that he had survived so that the scope of what he did could be engrained in him, so that he suffers. And I wish that the parents/families of the fallen could confront him, so that he could see the damage he did to them. Not one of the dead deserved this. And this guy, he deserves to suffer eternally.
VA Tech will never be the same. The students will never forget this. So many people lost friends and loved ones, and I just can't comprehend it.
I know I didn't know anyone killed, and it seems odd for me to be so upset. But in the end, we should all be. But we have become desensitized. I didn't know anyone, but I can still empathize with them, and the rest of VA Tech. They have a long way to go, and it will not be easy.
RIP, and my thoughts are with you all.
