deja fucking vu

You know what I hate?

When something shitty happens to you. And it takes so long to get over it, but you finally do. Or at least to think you do. And then, out of the blue, someone else, someone you trust so much, does that same goddamn thing to you, even though they were your confidant in the first place. AND THEN they have the UTTER AUDACITY to say, 'I had no control over it. Its how I am.' And you can't be mad at that, because in doing so, you lose a friend. And who knows, if you were ever in their shoes you just might have done the same thing. But its eating away at you, and you lose trust in everyone because, obviously if your 'best friend' will stab you in the back, so will everyone else. So you just end up feeling angry at yourself for being such a fucking loser.

Yeah. I hate that.

I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever be happy. I'm just so up and down all the time. I can be rediculously happy with the world, and then one or two events occur, and I'm depressed for days. And I end up feeling so lonely, because no one understands or really cares. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I don't want to deal with it anymore. If I weren't so fucking dependent upon people I'd just become a recluse...

I'll probably regret this post later. I just sound so bitter and pathetic. But I need this to be out there. And not inside me anymore. I just don't want to be so alone anymore.