not doing so well

i am having so much trouble dealing with this right now. i don't really know why i am so hung up and thrown for a loop. i know i'm being silly, but i just can't help it.

lets dig into it, shall we?

Pretty much everyone knows I have the tendency to hook up with random people. this doesn't really bother me. I wasn't wired with the view of hooking up with someone as being anything more than that. Sexual release. I don't feel guilty after hooking up. I don't attempt to forge a relationship to make myself feel justified. I just...don't. If both parties enjoy it, then they should do it again, and maybe something emotional will be formed. If not, then thats that. Move on.

Looking back, I have realized that I haven't really ever (well, one other time...) hooked up with someone and actually wanted to continue, to do it again. Every other time, I was ready to move on. I didn't feel any connection.

But now...its this new feeling. I liked it. I liked him. I wanted this to not be the last time. Alas, it seems it will be, as he has a boyfriend. Which, oddly enough considering my penchant for unavailable/unattainable men, I didn't even know when I realized that I had a thing for him.

So now, I am stuck. I can't do anything but wait and see how things pan out. I hate the waiting. I'm sure it will be easier tomorrow, and easier still the day after, but I hate that this is happening. Its like, I am not sure that I will ever find someone. I have been so unlucky in love and its getting so ridiculously old. Wah wah blah blah. Whatever.

It just would have been nice if this one had worked out. I think it could have been great.

ALSO, someone took my brand new, ridiculously expensive and amazing looking coat last night. Hate it.