i don't even know...

grrr

still not sure if today will be a good day or a bad day.

yesterday, however, was a bad day.

i hate flakiness, especially when one's flakiness totally ruins another's (i.e. MY) night. i guess flakiness kind of shows you who a person really is inside. when someone flakes on you, you can see where you fit in their life, and it hurts to find that out sometimes.

this is really not just about someone flaking on me (sorry for my exorbitant use of the term 'flake.'). i am just fed up with this school at the moment. the people, the small size, the town, the lack of anything to do...unfortunately, i could go on. don't get me wrong there are things i love too. but im beginning to realize that the bad is starting to outweigh the good. i have come to the frightening realization that if i were to transfer, there are very few people i would truly miss. college is supposed to be the best 4 years of your life, and im scared that i am wasting them somewhere i don't belong.

but do i really want to transfer??? thats alot of work. plus, i have the house...and where would i go? how do i know that it would be better? the idea of starting over scares me...but not as much as the idea of looking back at college with regret. i've been so busy telling people from home that i love it here, that i haven't noticed that it has become mechanical, and possibly not true anymore. i dont want to have to transfer, but im afraid its not working for me anymore...