well then...

Interestingly enough, I was proven wrong. And in a good way :-)

that feels better

For the first time in a few weeks, I feel truly liberated. This needed to happen:


letting go
Between JP Brandt and You

so it is now pretty obvious that this whole friends thing isn't going to work. and it probably never was going to work, i guess. i'm not going to go into my feelings on the subject, as they really aren't important right now (and it would take me quite a while to go through them).

just letting you know that i'm gonna stop trying to reach out to you. i'm not going to IM you, message you, whatever. any attempt to do so thus far has only been to try and determine the state of things, and the lack of reciprocity has been quite telling. in reaching out multiple times and getting no real response, I have begun to feel that to others i must seem quite stalker-ish, which is definitely not something i want to be. so thats that.

to be honest, i still don't know what really went down. i really wanted (and still want) to believe that you meant everything you said, that it really wasn't me but that you weren't ready, but i think things have become clearer. i don't get it, as i thought we were moving in a great direction and seemed on the same page, but i don't doubt that i may have been delusional. things could definitely have been handled better (i'm a big boy, i can handle being told the truth, thank you very much) but, since i have definitely been in your situation, i do not deny the difficulty of your situation.

so i wish you luck. it was nice knowing you, and who knows what will come of the future. maybe we will cross paths again, maybe not. i'm not mad, just confused and slightly disappointed. i hope you figure yourself out, though. it is so important to just live your life, to do what makes you happy. i wish that for you, i really do. i hope that things are going better at home as well.

Goodbye,

Dan

Hillary for President

http://perezhilton.com/2008-02-05-a-message-to-lgbt-americans

She may have her weaknesses, and I am not sure where I stand on universal healthcare, but she just officially got my vote.

And I am proud of it.


Going to vote for her in the primaries immediately after class.

,zkjsdkjdhfkahf,knfc

gahhh i can't break out of this spell that has such a hold on me! on the outside i look happy and normal, but i just don't feel that on the inside. Its like...standing next to fire on a cold day, and although the fire warms your skin, it doesn't fix the cold inside.

and the worst part is, i can't pinpoint what exactly is causing the coldness, the difference. i know a couple possibilities, but damned if i can figure out which is the biggest problem.

though, i have an idea. i feel lame about how stupid it is, but one cannot control what one feels. and i feel lonely. i really do. i got a taste of togetherness and then lost it and i want it back. granted (and i do understand this) it was just a taste. didn't last long. at all. but the stakes were high and i lost. and i'm still recouping.


Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

maybe tomorrow will be better...