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gahhh i can't break out of this spell that has such a hold on me! on the outside i look happy and normal, but i just don't feel that on the inside. Its like...standing next to fire on a cold day, and although the fire warms your skin, it doesn't fix the cold inside.

and the worst part is, i can't pinpoint what exactly is causing the coldness, the difference. i know a couple possibilities, but damned if i can figure out which is the biggest problem.

though, i have an idea. i feel lame about how stupid it is, but one cannot control what one feels. and i feel lonely. i really do. i got a taste of togetherness and then lost it and i want it back. granted (and i do understand this) it was just a taste. didn't last long. at all. but the stakes were high and i lost. and i'm still recouping.


Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

maybe tomorrow will be better...